


He is a Sinner

by TashiRogers



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Biotic Shepard, Citadel, Earthborn (Mass Effect), Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mass Effect 1, Normandy - Freeform, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Underage Sex, Renegade Shepard (Mass Effect), Ruthless (Mass Effect), Smut, Some stuff at the beginnig, mShenko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-02-12 20:37:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12967956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TashiRogers/pseuds/TashiRogers
Summary: No one thought the savior of the Galaxy was going to be a bright haired, non ruler follower, professionally asshole Shepard but that's who they got and sometimes the Galaxy just has to suck it up of stick it up their ass.Kaidan didn't think his attraction to the new CO was going to get in the way of the mission but he was SORELY mistaken because whatever Shepard wants he usually gets and when he doesn't well.....Someone usually ends up dead.Shepard never though he was ever going to get over his past or stop being a complete asshole for one person but life fucked him over and now he was stuck with a all consuming lust for his LT, a chief who won't stop ogling over him and a life no where near holy... maybe that's how he got the nickname "Sinner"





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter can be skipped if you cannot do Rape/Non-Con and/or Underage.
> 
> Spoilers for Prologue will be in next chapter for those who cannot read this kind of stuff.
> 
> Everything after this Chap will be references only.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Background on Shepard but he is only refereed to as John because he started using Shepard after is spilt from the gang (You'll understand after)
> 
> Part 1: Brought into the Family
> 
> Part 2: Swayed with Fear
> 
> Part 3: Betrayal at its sweetest

**Part 1: Brought into the Family**

John let out a muffled moan causing the older man to let out a satisfied growl and a chuckle rolled through his body somehow vibrating to the younger one's body. Shepard could feel the tears striking down his face and the gag in his mouth had begun to cut but the man couldn't care less.

 

"You wanted to be apart of our organization,"

 

A thrust into the young body made him let out a shriek of agony but the man gave no remorse. He only responded with harder thrusts and an evil grin, which reminded John of the evil monsters from childhood stories told around the streets. He tried to talk, cry for help, anything but the gag muffled his sounds to well and it only gave him another punishing thrust.

 

"Better watch yourself "Sinner"," The man quickly pulled out and flipped John around with his grin gone, replaced by a look of just pure anger. He leaned down into the young man's face, who moved to the side, eyes completely avoiding the top man's.

 

"I'm calling the shots around here." 

 

In an instant, John's face was pulled to look at the older man's and the gag ripped out of his mouth. Before John could gasp for a breath or even cough to get air, chapped lips smashed against his young ones and a harsh, unexpected thrust. He tried to scream but that only allowed the man to slither his tongue into the young one's mouth. John felt another vibration go through his body as the man chuckled before pulling away from the kiss. Tears were now coming much faster and before he could wipe them away, the other slapped him harshly but did not stop his thrusts.

 

"Be a man 'Sinner', I'm not here to recruit a kid."

 

Shepard breathed in through his noise and let out a soft mutter.

 

"I'm not a kid."

 

The man grinned devilishly and leaned in his face again.

 

"Prove it then."

\----------

**Part 2: Swayed by Fear**

"Sinner, that's actually ridiculous."

 

John rolled his eyes and continued walking along the street, his boss following behind.

 

"I've given you advice for nearly 2 years but now you don't want to listen?"

 

His boss let out a huff and attempted to grab his wrist but John pulled away and ahead. The boss gave out an annoyed growl and jumped up to the biotic.

 

"I think you've forgotten who's in charge."

 

John stopped dead in his tracks and turned, rather dramatically, to his boss. He crossed his arms and leant to one side, fury written all over his face.

 

"Don't worry, I know clearly."

 

His boss stepped closer and quickly grabbed Shepard's wrists. He pulled him close which John found shocking and then warm, jagged breaths closened to his ear and a low growl filled his ear. "Be damn sure, talk to me like that again and I'll just find myself a new and improved 'Sinner', one younger than you and weaker." John felt his stomach freeze and he turned his head away from his boss, trying to control his rising anxiety.

 

"You wouldn't."

 

His boss chuckled lowly and wrenched John's face to look at him, his normal evil grin in full bloom.

 

"Try me."

 

John successfully pulled away from the older man who just laughed and began walking foreword. "C'mon Sinner, you owe me an apology and I think I know just what will make me consider forgiving you." The younger man let out a shaky breath and reluctantly followed in suit unaware of the police listening closely and following as well, ready for a proposition to the young, 2nd in charge of the street gang the 'Eclipse's".

\------

**Part 2 continued.**

"But I get to go free?"

 

John couldn't believe his luck, the police were able to pull him away from his boss before he could get started on his "apology" and was now offering him total freedom from the gang and jail time as long as he turns in his boss. While most of his mind was ready to turn him in part of him, namely his loyalty and perhaps the fear from his boss made him hesitate on the agreement. 

 

"Kid, you have a bright life ahead of you and from what we can tell, were guessing you and him are uh..." The police looked to his correspondent who just rolled her eyes and stepped up to John and placed her hand gently on his shoulder. "John, he can be charged with sexual assault of a minor, rape of a minor and other terrible shit but we need you to turn him in, you know how to lure him away from the safety of the hideout and he knows you could never betray him." John folded his arms defensively ad began chewing on his bottom lip but the cop didn't back down as he had hoped. 

 

"Don't you want him locked up, shit like that deserves to be thrown in jail," She could probably tell from his fidgeting  with his hands that he was terrified. "We will make sue you cannot be hurt, but you have to get him first." John sighed and dropped his arms but looked to the police and nodded with a strong look. The woman smiled proudly and pulled away her arm.

 

"When do you want to get him?"

 

John thought for a moment before giving a vicious smile.

 

"Tonight, after all, I do owe him an  _apology_."

\----------

**Part 3: Betrayal at its Sweetest**

John's boss followed his 2nd, a malice, lustful grin as the younger man just pulled him along the street. John kept a suspicious smile and a strange tint in his eyes.

 

"Still aren't going to tell me where we're going?" John just shook his head and the boss playfully rolled his eyes before pushing the other man against a near by wall, obviously shocking John. The boss growled and began nipping at the young man's neck. "Why do we have to go so far?" He growled against his 2nd's neck before John pulled his head to met their eyes, determination and a cocky grin on his face. "So this can be special, plus think of this as an early birthday present for me." His boss hummed in thought and let out a chuckle. "Oh yeah, the big 18, finally "old" enough for officially legal fuck." He laughed heartily and John just gave a playful shake of his head and stepped to the side and began dragging him along again.

 

After 5 minute walk the two finally came across a seemingly abandoned work house and the boss rose his eyebrows and growled out "A warehouse?" In which John just chuckled and began pulling him inside.

 

"A special warehouse."

 

His boss responded with a huff and rolled his eyes, but still followed the young man inside.

 

All the lights were shut and John started feeling the anxiety bubbling in his chest but it was overcome with a feeling of relief that this was going to finally be over and this asshole was going to being in a shithole. He spotted the flittering of lights that to his boss was probably just vehicles but to him was the beginning of the new life for him. he stopped dead in his tracks and dropped the bosses arm. He then felt arms wrap around his waist and a trail of kisses began along his neck. 

 

"What's wrong Sinner?"

 

John closed his eyes, ignoring the kisses and let out a sigh for strength.

 

"Just can't believe it's only been 2 years. Just think of all the stuff we've been able to do." The boss chuckled and rested his chin on John's shoulder. "I know, and to think you were only 16 then and now, almost 18 and ready to rule the red sand drug trade." The young man chuckled, playing along extremely well. "Red sand drug king huh?" Boss let out a 'Ha!" before spinning his 2nd around and leaned in closely. "You should call me that in bed, sounds fucking hot." John opened his mouth to speak when he saw the red and blue lights flickering outside the building, this was his cue.

 

He smiled evilly before tackling his boss to the ground and the idiot thought it was all part of the game. "Ha whoa Sinner, didn't know it'd get that kind of response." John just grinned viciously and leaned down to the bosses face. 

 

"You wanna know what sin I'm the best at?"

 

Boss growled out a chuckle. "Lust?"

 

John laughed flakily and glanced at the door which was now open and around 4 squads of police were standing there with the woman who encouraged the betrayal standing in front and nodding at him. The young man looked down at his torturer under him and grinned the same evil grin he always gives him.

 

"Lying."

 

The boss opened his mouth to say something when John punched him in the month and jumped off before boss could attack. The police, with guns raised and Omni-tools ready began screaming at him to remain on the ground and some pulled the young man away from the older man for safety. 

 

John could only smile, seeing his boss being busted because of him gave him a sense of pleasure and vengeance against the asshole. His boss shot him a look and all happy feeling drained from John as the look in his eyes meant killing, he knew he was in danger. The older man lurchd towards the younger man but the police were able to grab him before he could reach John but he still jumped back.

 

"I"LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU AREN'T GETTING OUT OF THIS YOU WHORE!"

 

The younger man just blinked, no words could come to his mind. Before anyone could properly hold the boss down he was able to take an opening opposite of John and escape. This caused major panic among everyone, police were yelling, others surrounded John with fear that he would be attacked but before anyone could lay a finger on the boss, he was launched back and skidded across the floor, nearly knocking down the cops and stopped right in front of John.

 

Who was now standing, glowing with biotic blue and had a fury in his eyes that only a fool would challenge.

 

"Fucking try that shit again."

 

But he leaned down to the now shaking man and flashed him a devilish smile.

 

"I suppose secrets are always a sinful act."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Dear Hevenly Father...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard knew that the opportunity to work with Captain Anderson was a chance he had to take.
> 
> Shepard knew that the opportunity to work on the Normandy was a chance he had to take.
> 
> Shepard knew that the ass of Lieutenant Alenko was an ass he had to take.
> 
> Shepard knew he couldn't do that without both getting to major trouble, not that he cared for the rules but he could tell Alenko was a by the books kinda of guy.
> 
> Shepard also knew that being an asshole wasn't a attractive trait but he couldn't help it.
> 
> Shepard also knew that there was a something up with a Spectra on the mission with them.
> 
> Shepard didn't know was that he was about the be the savior of the galaxy, blue and pink hair and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basic over view of the last chapter: Shepard was the 2nd in Command of a Earth gang known as the "Eclipse" and was also the sex slave to the boss who gave him the nickname "Sinner" for 2 years.
> 
> After 2 years and a less than a month from his 18th birthday Shepard turns in his boss and begins his journey to bad assary and life as a non rule following maniac.

Commander Shepard leaned against the glass of the Citadel elevator, these damn elevators could go on for 20 minutes and considering how the man was already (like usual) running late, his patience was starting to wear thin. He couldn't help but run his fingers through his hair and inspect the coloring of it through the glass reflection, one of his many strange coping mechanisms to relieve his stress, not that any of them ever really worked but it's the thought that counts.

 

This was only his 3rd visit to the Citadel and Shepard had made the decision that he absolutely hated it. There were too many people and too many confusing twists and turns to really be able to map out the damn place. He was admittedly jealous of Salarins because of their nearly prefect memories, they seemed to know where everything was but most refused to share with out a little profit for their wasted time. Shepard has already paid almost 200 credits in the last 24 hours just trying to find the damn docking bay. And before you ask yes, he had forgotten the instructions repeatedly and by the 5th Salarin he just walked with the Commander to the elevator, word must've gotten out about him.

 

The soft ding of the elevator snapped Shepard back to reality and he stepped out, his eyes instantly being caught by the magnificent ship parked on the dock. Her name was boldly painted on her side " _Normandy_ ", he was a gorgeously built frigate and obviously made with careful engineering that Shepard knows he would never, ever understand.

 

"Commander Shepard."

 

Shepard blinked out of the trance and saw a line up of soldiers with Captain Anderson standing in front of them, his eyebrow was raised as if to say " _Really? Late again?_ " but there was also a playful grin so the Commander knew he wasn't in real trouble. He walked up to the Captain and gave his salute which was returned before both shook hands.

 

"Could you ever be on time for something?" Anderson said as Shepard gave his normal half smile and pushed his hair out of his face. "What can I say, I follow my own set of time, Galaxy has to set it's schedule around me." The captain just rolled his eyes at him and cleared his throat in which ever soldier in line straightened up. Shepard had to admit he was so glad he was no longer required to stand in that line, never was too good at that, he always ended you just falling out if inspection took to long and you can be damned sure his COs weren't too happy about that. "Let me introduce the crew." Shepard nodded politely on the outside but on the inside was a waling on whines and complains.

 

By the time the reached the last 4 people Shepard had completely forgotten most of the names besides the Doctor's, because who the hell else has the name Chakwas and the main engineer because Shepard just thought about how he could never do his job. When the reached the finally four Shepard snapped back to life and actually listened to the Captain, but his mind still went in it's bitch judgement.

 

"This here is Lt. Jenkins, he from Eden Prime." The young soldier excitedly saluted and shook the Commanders hand who just nodded and gave an awkward smile, but before they could move on to the next person Jenkins spoke up.

 

"Commander, I just wanted to tell you that if it weren't for your recruitment posters, I wouldn't have signed up." Shepard bite his tongue in cringe before saying, "Those are just marketing skims kid but uh, good for you." Anderson threw him a dirty look before quickly ushering Shepard to the next person, and Shepard was more than happy to oblige.

 

It was another man, seemingly Shepard's age but could be maybe a year or two older, with raven hair, a strong jaw, lips that were so plump them almost seemed plushy like and hazel eyes that seemed tired but strong.

 

Ok yeah, Shepard did get carried away with this man's appearance, so much so he actually missed his name and had to be nudged by Anderson to return to time. "Shepard? Did you hear me?" The Commander chuckled nervously in response and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry no, got lost in thought." The captain rolled his eyes. "Well this is Letinitunet Alenko, biotic sentinel." 

 

He gave his salute and Shepard gave one right back, along with a lustful smirk which Alenko probably caught because his cheeks turned a delightful red. When they shook hands the Commander gave a light squeeze which just added to the red to his cheeks. Anderson seemed to notice because he rolled his eyes and sighed before pulling the Commmander up to the next person.

 

“This is our helmsman, Jeff “Joker” Mouean.” He stood more slouched than the others and seemingly more frail then everyone else and even winced when he gave his salute. Shepard shook his hand lightly, afraid he was somehow going to break it. “Joker? That’s an unfortunate name.” Before the Captain could scold the Commander Joker sighed and nodded. “Tell me about it.” Anderson poped his eyebrow at this. “You rather we call you Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moruean?” Shepard shook his head and crossed his arms thoughtfully. “That’s even worse.” Joker nodded in agreement, Shepard decided the was proabably going to be his favorite person on the Normandy, besides Alenko of course.

 

“And this,” Anderson motioned to the last man in the row. “Is our Navigator, Pressly.” The Commander already knew they weren’t going to get along well. He just seemed too by the books and had this look about him of “I've been in the Alliance so long I could sing you the rules by memory” kind of look. But never the less, both saluted each other and shook hands, exchanging just a few greeting words before the Captain pulled Shepard away.

 

“We have one more guest,” Anderson trailed off and the Commander already knew something was up. And true to his instincts the elevator opened just as the Captain finished and out stepped a Turian, dressed for combat and with the no-bullshit look. Captain Anderson smiled to the Turian and walked up to him, leaving Shepard and all of the crew giving each other confused glances. The Commander couldn’t help the “What the fuck?” mumble that came out and apperently Alenko caught it, and he let out the ever so quiet chuckle. Shepard just smiled and dramatically ran his hands through his hair again. 

 

_”Score.”_

 

”Commander!” Anderson and the Turian walked up to him. "This is Nihlus Kryik, he's here to just watch over some missions." Shepard crossed his arms. "Why would we need a Spectra for that?" The Turian's mandalmals moved and he blinked ever so slightly. "You know who I am Commander?" The man nodded slowly, looking up and down the Spectra. Nihlus seemed to give an approved nod to the Captain before stepping to the Normandy. “I hope your ship is ready for this mission Captain.” Anderson threw a look to Shepard before speaking again. “Oh she is, are we ready to board?” The Crew line straightened and threw up their salute. “Yes, sir!” The captain looked to the Commander. “Commander Shepard?” The man gave one last look the teh Spectra, the crew, the most gorgeous man in the galaxy before throwing up a slightly sarcastic salute.

 

”Yes sir.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yallllllll I have to write an essay in English and I wrote two drafts of two stories because I didn’t like the 1st one. The second is my mass effect film idea and it’s so cringey that I wrote it and plan to turn it in but I don’t want to write about myself so I’ll just write about what I do.
> 
> Sorry bout the crappy ending and the mistakes but I wanted to get something out before the week was over


	3. Why have you chosen me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard isn't the best at conversations or doing his job or not being an asshat.
> 
> But he'd be willing to make an exception for a pretty man with a pretty face.
> 
> Also Anderson gives him some talking to.

  Shepard was careful when exploring the ship, didn’t want to touch anything of the flashing buttons and start a war because of it. Ok that’s may be a stretch but Shepard can look at someone in a slightly positive way and get punched in the jaw for it. He careful trailed his finger along the wall as he walked down the stairs, the feeling of the smooth, cool wall somewhat comforting in a unknown environment. Once Shepard reached the bottom he took in the sights around. He saw the med bay, sleeper pods (he silently groaned at those), a simple looking kitchen and table, a gorgeous human being bending over a console with his ass out and the Captain’s quarters. You can guess where the Commander went first. 

 

  The glorious kitchen area which held promises of food and luckily that caught the attention of Alenko, who perked up as the man walked by. Shepard purposely walked with more ass movement and a sway as he passed, a smirk plastered of his face.

 

”Hungry Commander Shepard?”

 

   He gave a chuckle and began rummaging through some of the cabinets. “What can I say, food is my driving force and,” he turned his head to the other biotic and wiggles his eyebrow a little. “You can call me Shepard.” Alenko’s cheeks brightened up and he gave a quick nod before changing his attention to the console before him. The Commander frowned before abandoning his objective for food and gave his full focus to getting the LT’s attention. 

 

   “So Lieutenant Alenko,” Shepard slowly approached the console, allowing his hand to trace along it. “Who are you?” The biotic looked up and rose his eyebrow at Shepard who just smiled loosely. “What do you mean sir?” The Commander rolled his eyes at the “sir” and leaned on the console, placing his head on his hands. “Who are you really, not the military you but the uh..." Shepard straightened up and waved his hand in the air, trying to find the word he needed. Luckily Alenko caught on. "Real me?" The Commander chuckled and returned to his previous position. "Exactly." The other laughed slightly before straighten up, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall behind him. "I thought you would know, from my dossier." 

 

  Shepard nervously laughed and quickly stood, rubbing his implant nervously. He never did read the Normandy crew's dossiers, couldn't bother. but now he was of course facing probably the most beautiful man in the Alliance and didn't know anything about him besides his last name and that he was a biotic. Suprising the Shepard hasn't been kicked out for his actions like not doing his job.

 

   "Well... I want to hear it directly from the source."

 

   The LT raised his eyebrow, as if he knew Shepard didn't know shit. He just chuckled, causing Shepard's blood pressure to lower to a normal pace, stood up straight and let out a sigh. "Where do you want me to start?" The Commander playfully began to stroke his stubble in thought, earning a laugh from the other man. "Wherever you want." Alenko pushed off from the wall he was leaning on. "Ok well... Name's Kaidan Alenko, I'm a biotic as Anderson told you, grew up in Vancouver and my father was in the military." Shepard nodded and opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the intercom by Captain Anderson.

 

"Commander Shepard, report to the meeting room."

 

Shepard rolled his eyes before giving one last glance to Kaidan (That name fit him, just a Kaidan face, like Ok Damn face) and smirking. "This conversation isn't over Lieutenant, I still want to info on you." Alenko cheeks burn but Shepard could see the slightest smile back and Shepard walked off, swinging his hips just a little extra.

\--

The Commander arrived in the meeting room, Anderson was faced away from him, working on his Omni-tool. Shepard cleared his throat, the Captain glanced over his shoulder, spotted the other, closed his Omni and turned towards him. "Ah, Commander good. I wanted to speak to you." The biotic lifted his eyebrow in suspicion but didn't speak. "Yes well, I wanted to see how you were handling all of this. I know the last time you worked with this amount of people was on Trofan." Shepard let out a sigh and leaned on the railing nearby. "I'm ok Captain, you don't need to chechk up on me." Anderson rolled his eyes and let out a tensed huff. "Maybe not but Shepard you have some-"

 

”Issues with being nice, yeah yeah Captain, I know. Don’t worry I’ll keep my attitude in check.” Shepard leaned on the near by rail, Anderson raised his eyebrows in suprise before crossing his arms. “That’s what I’m talking about Commander.” Shepard’s cheeks burned in embrassment before he pushed off the railing. “I can’t help it sometimes but,” he walked past Anderson before sitting on a nearby chair, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his folded hands.

 

”Who really gives a shit if I’m nice or not, as long as I get the job done.” The Captain sighed and placed a hand of the biotic’s shoulder. “I get that Shepard but you’re going to be working long term with these people, you should try to get along with them.” The Commander stood up and faced away from Anderson, huffing.

 

”That’s what they said about Torfan...” 

 

Anderson shook his head and opened his mouth to speak when Joker inturupetted via the speaker.

 

”Captain we are approaching the Mass Relay.” He crossed his arms. “Thank you Joker, have Alenko help you and inform Nihlus.” Anderson turned to Shepard who still had his back to him. “Go to Joker, need you to keep an eye out.” Shepard just nodded and headed out the door but before he left he turned back to the Captain.

 

”Have you ever thought I do this is keep everyone safe?”

 

Anderson sighed and faced the monitor. Before he could respond though the door was shut.

 

”I think you do it to keep everyone out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brah, I love this fic and I'm actually putting in effort. It's amazing (more effort than my school work at least) Sorry about spelling errors but I want to get stuff out and not leave people hanging like some of my other stories....
> 
> Also I'm writing a Dragon Age fic... I dunno if I'm gonna publish it or not but I'm thinking about it.
> 
> If you like DA you should follow my tumblr: dragonagegayz
> 
> I also have a Mass Effect one but I haven't been that active but still follow me: masseffectgayz


	4. For I Am Unworthy For This Life

Shepard lazily got togther his armor. Even though on the outside he seemed calm and uninterested his mind couldn’t be farther from the truth. A lot had happened in such a short time.

 —

After his meeting with Anderson, he went to the cockpit where Joker had just jumped the relay. Nihlus had pushed passed him after saying some comment, his mandibles in a way Shepard could tell was meant to be insulting. The man brushed it off but there was still a nagging at the back of his head, that wasn't normal. After some banter between Joker and Kaidan (who told Shepard he knew a bit about ships, making the Commander swoon and Joker groan and roll his eyes) he put in his input then Anderson went over a comm to tell Joker that the Commander was needed to the comm room. Shepard knew the tone in his voice was his "serious" tone and that something was up. As he made his way to the comm room, he ran into Jenkins and Chakwas. They were talking about Eden Prime and how it was strange to be going to a peaceful colony with a spectra on bored.

 

"I mean, what's the point of having the top frigate in the Alliance and a Spectra on bored fro just a supply run. Doesn't make any sense." Jenkins threw his arms up dramatically while Chakwas just sighed and shook her head. "It's never good to question our upper actions, isn't that right Shepard?" The Commander shrugged his shoulders, getting a disproving look from the doctor. Wait he could salvage this. "I mean, questioning is part of human nature right? But if you stick your hand on a stove and get told it's going to burn you but you do it anyway, it's your own fault." Shepard mumbled his way through, giving a side smile once he finished but the two just gave him a confused look. As response the man ran his fingers through his hair and headed towards the comm room, groaning silently at his idiocy.

 

When the doors opened, instead of the Captain greeting him, Nihlus stood with his back towards him. Shepard cationously stepped to the middle of the room, he saw the Turian's mandibles twitch slightly. "I'm curious about the colony Shepard, I heard it's rather beautiful." The Commander cocked his eyebrow up, who gave a fuck about the beaty of some human colony? "I'm not a tourist on vacation, I'm here to do some real work. Admire it all you want." Nihlus turned quickly to the man, taking steps to be in his face. "Quite a comment Commander to say to a Spectra. Do you treat all your uppers like this?" Shepard grinded his teeth together (another "relaxing" method) and smirked. "Only those that piss me off." The Turian opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening and closing. Both turned and saw Anderson making his way to them, causing them to step away from each other, Shepard glaring him down.

 

"Alright break it up, Shepard stop it," The Commander let out a dramatic gasp but before he could say anything Anderson gave him the "Shut the fuck up" look and he just looked away and grumbled. The Captain rolled his eyes then looked to Nihlus. "We should tell him what's going on." This peaked the biotic's intrest so he looked up. "This isn't a normal supply run, is it?" The two others looked to each other then back to him, their looks giving them away. "I knew it!" Shepard chuckled bitterly and faced the Captian. "So what's going on?" Anderson let out a tired sigh. "We've found another beacon on Eden Prime, a prothean beacon," Shepard folded his arms, leaning to one hip and his hand asking Anderson to contuine. "This discovery could help advance every species,last time humanity made this kind of discovery jumped our technology 400 years into the future." Shepard nodded and muttered "Mars." under his breath. "We need to make sure that beacon is safe and sucure, it cannot fall into the wrong hands." 

 

The Commander turned to leave when Anderson laid a hand in his shoulder. “There’s another thing we need to talk about son.” Shepard turned to face the two and crossed his arms again. “What else are you hiding.” The captain gave Shepard a stern look and he looked away, face flushed with anger and em brassment. Nihlus stepped up. “Shepard as you know, they are no humans in the Spectra program,” the Commander let out a silently scoff but said nothing. “We’ve decided to put your name foreword as a Canadite.” That caught the biotics attention as he dropped his arms and turned to the two.

 

”Me?”

 

Nihlus placed his hands on his hips, a suspicion in his eyes. “Do you have an objection to this Commander?” Shepard opened his moth to respond then looked to Anderson, he was shaking his head to stop anything stupid from coming out of the XO’s mind. Luckily he caught on quickly.

 

”No, it’s just a suprise.”

 

The Turian’s mandables moves but he said nothing. Anderson cleared his throat and straightened up. “Shepard, you’re one of the best Humanity has to offer. You make a good match for what the Spectras want son.” Nihlus nodded in agreement while the Commander just chewed on his lip in thought. The Turian stepped up to Shepard and held out his hand. “Well be working togther so I can observe you, this will be the start of many missions togther Commander.” The biotic heistated but Held his hand out to shake when Joker spoke over the intercom.

 

”Uh sir, you might want to see this.”

—

Then the whole invasion information came out and now here was the Commander, slapping on his N7 armor and trying not to ripe out every hair on his head. The sound of the recording of whatever that ship was rang in Shepard’s ear. A loud and low rumbled that just spelled trouble. 

 

The biotic had just finished getting his armor on when Kaidan walked down to the cargo hold, talking to Jenkins. Shepard released his hair and attempted to flatten it when the men approached him, saluting and getting a lazy one back. Alenko spoke first.

 

”We’re ready for anything sir, taken the liberty to pack extra ammo and get the biotics ready to run.” Shepard nodded, crossing his arms and balancing his weight to his left hip. “I would say hopefully we won’t need it but let’s be honest, this mission just seems like a bad opening to a bad story.” That got a chuckle out of Kaidan in which Shepard cracked a smile. Jenkins laughed along before throwing his arms up dramatically. "I just really don't think this if all places would be where something interesting would happen." The Commander rose his eyebrow in questioning. "You know this place Jenkins?" The Lieutenant nodded in a tired manner, rolling his eyes as he spoke. "I grew up here and I can tell you from experience, nothing interesting ever happens here." Shepard chewed on his bottom lip. So Anderson didn't bother to tell them what was going on hopefully he wasn't depending on the Commander to because he couldn't tell "bad" news to anyone to save his life.

 

Shepard opened his mouth to speak when the elevator opened and Anderson walked out. The two Lieutenants saluted while the Commander just dropped his arms. “Alright gentlemen, let’s get to the drop point. Missions a need to know only,” Anderson began walked and the three followed, Shepard rolling his eyes at the formality of the Captain. “There’s a Porthean Artifact here, we have to get now or else it could get into the wrong hands.” 

 

Alenko looked to Shepard with a confused look in which the Commander only shrugged. They reached the exit port and Nihlus was already there, preparing his pistol. Jenkins set his helment on and gave the Turian a questioning look. 

 

“Nihlus? Are you coming with us?” The Spectra finished loading his gun as the door lowered. “I move faster on my own.” And with that he ran and jumped out, Anderson nodded and turned to Shepard.

 

”This is just a grab and go mission Shepard, I don’t want any heroics.” The Commander chuckled before heading to the door. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not the hero kind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so damn long but I’ve had awful writers block and no time. I should hopefully get some more writing done but no promises...


	5. And Yet, You Are Giving Too Much to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has been fucked over and now he’s got all eyes on him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack luster chap summaries I’m getting lazy
> 
> Also thanks for the reads and stuff makes me feel good
> 
> Also sorry about the lack of updates, shits been wild.

Turns out Shepard had to be the “hero” type.

 

Naturally the mission went to shit with Jenkins death, Geth appearing, humans being turned into some sort of machine shit, having to bring Williams because she knew where the beacon was, Nihlus dead as a door nob, some weird guy muttering profit in which Shepard introduced him to the glories of his fist, barely disarming bombs that were going to blow, scaring off some jackass named Saren and finally they came across the beacon which was just plain fucked up.

 

"It wasn't doing that when they dug it up." Williams was leaning towards the beacon, the Commander rolled his eyes before calling in Joker. "I don't know but you probably shouldn't be leaning into the shit cause ya'know, technology we don't understand could kill you." The Chief ignored his warnings, approaching it slowly. Shepard let out a frustrated groan before Joker picked up. "We need a evac, go the beacon ready to go." He muttered a "Aye, aye" before disconnecting and Shepard turned his attention to Kaidan, who was eyeing Williams. "She really should listen to you." The Commander just shrugged, leaning on a near by railing. "Her fault if she fucking dies, I warned her." The Lieutenant shot Shepard a concerning look before a strangled shout from Ashley caught their attention.

 

She was struggling against some force coming from the beacon, it started to pull her in but before she could get near it Shepard sprung into action, literally. He jumped and grabbed ahold of her body, throwing her to Kaidan before he was pulled in by the beacon.

 

Everything became muffled, his eye sight blurred and a ringing filled his ears. Flashes of strange images came to his mind, loud sounds and a burning in the back of his throat. It tasted like death and before he could focus on anything he was dropped to the ground. Darkness consuming him. 

\--

Strange images and smells.

 

Old familiar smells, the gun powdered that followed Boss with his every step, the sweaty men that followed Boss and Sinner around, the sweet and bitter smell of their relationship. The smell of burning flesh that always leaved John with a burning in the back of his throat and the urge to vomit.

 

Pictures of an unknown life fluttered by, strange lights covered most of it and John couldn't examine them by the speed they moved at. The strangity was confusing, making was the Commander lost and confused.

 

But the worst was the sound.

 

A pitched scream of an unknown creature, it filled John's ears and made him feel insanity he hadn't remember since his years in the gang. He felt like ever part of him mind was being pulled in every way, images of both the strange life and his own past flashing in his mind until he saw a bright light...

\--

Which turned out to be the Normandy's med bay. Shepard jumped up, his biotics being set off and throwing an unknown object across the room which shattered along the wall.

 

”Easy there Commander, we can’t keep replacing glasses.”

 

Shepard eyed his somewhat known surroundings, Dr.Chakwas was picking up the broken glass he had thrown, machines buzzed in the background and Williams stood by the door with a relieved smile on her face. The Commander didn’t return it, just raising a hand to his throbbing head. “What the hell happened? I feel like I just fell off an Elcor going 90 miles an hour.” Shepard heard Ashley laugh but he just rolled his eyes, more so attempted to but was stopped by a sharp pain in his head. 

 

"The beacon had you in some hold, we aren't sure what happened. Alenko and I had to carry you back to the Normandy." The Commander nodded before hearing the whoosh of the med bay doors. He glanced over and saw Anderson, his "I can't believe you fucked up." face beaming right at Shepard. "Williams, head to the mess hall. You and Alenko are going to be at the trial over Nihlus." She saluted and hurried off, giving Shepard once last glance. The Commander just rolled his eyes before slipping off the bed and turning to the Captain.

 

"I'm gonna take a guess that we're under suspicion for killing Nihlus?" But Anderson shook his head, motioning for the Commander to follow and he walked out the med bay. "Actually you are witnesses for the crimes against Saren." Shepard let out a laugh but the Captain's face didn't crack a smile. "Oh shit, you're serious." Anderson rolled his eyes and began heading to the stairs with Shepard trailing behind. Yes I am, this is real Shepard." The Commander chewed his bottom lip before stopping before they entered the CCR.

 

"Sir I feel like I should mention something." 

 

Anderson turned around and folded his arms but instead of an annoyed look, it was more like being intregged.

 

"Go ahead." 

 

Shepard cracked his knuckles and brushed a section of his colored hair out of his face. He could feel the burning of embarrassment as he contemplated telling the Captain about the vision? Dream? Whatever it was, it felt important but still felt ridiculous as the Commander really thought about it. "Shepard?" He came back to and noticed Anderson's face was more scrunched together, let it usually was when he was pissed at the Commander. Shepard cleared his throat and straightened his body.

 

"I had this vision when I connected to the beacon, like some kind of warning but uh," Shepard felt idiotic as the words poured out of his mouth like a jumbled mess but he continued. "It was hard to make sense of it, it was fragmented and l couldn't really make out the details."

 

Anderson thought for a moment before dropping his arms. "Do you think it's a warning from the Protheans?" Shepard shrugged, leaning along the wall, thinking on what he could remember about the Protheans. Growing up on the streets he never went to school but once he had joined the Alliance they gave him a free education but since he was Shepard, he didn't retain much about it. "I mean, why not? The beacon was Prothean, it kinda is the only thing that makes sense." Anderson nodded before turning to the door, gesturing Shepard to follow. The Commander obeyed, following closely as they headed to the Galaxy Map. "I don't want to jump to conclusions just yet but we'll need to file that in the report," the Captain let out a heavy sigh, gripping the railing around the map. "How do you keep finding yourself in these damn situations Commander?"

 

Shepard gave a humorless laugh, shaking his head. "Hell if I know." Anderson just nodded before straightening up, turning to the Commander with his "Business time" face. "We'll be at the Citadel in about an hour, write in the report about the vision then round up Alenko and Williams, they are our witnesses." Shepard nodded before lazyily saluting and turning back to the stairs.

 

As soon as he got to the mess hall, Williams bombarded him.

 

"Commander!"

 

Shepard refrained from rolling his eyes and stepped up to her. The Commander would attempt, she didn't look half bad. He hair in a sturdy bun, showing off her defining jaw and eyes that could cut through Geth with just one look but she also has a stubborn attitude hidden in all that, she was the reason Shepard got stuck with the beacon vision. 

 

"How are you feeling?"

 

The Commander brought up his right hand to message his temple, purposely using the middle finger, somehow thinking using his dominant hand would make it more effective. "Like shit but whatever, what's done is done." He dropped his arm to cross both. The Chief just stared at him, waiting for him to say something else or even do something. Shepard had to refrain from rolling his eyes before he muttered out. "I suppose you told Alenko about the situation?" Ashley froze before letting about a nervous laugh. 

 

"Actually sir, he's uh, right over there." She motioned behind her, Kaidan was still standing by the paneling, smirking from the conversation the two were having. Shepard felt the burn on embarrassment on his cheeks before he cleared his throat. "Well, good then." The words felt awkward as Shepard spoke, being distracted as his eyes roamed the Lieutenant's body. He heard Ashley clear her throat. He looked to her, she was now leaning on the mess table in a somewhat strange fashion, like she was trying to show off herself. Shepard pushed pass her.

 

"Get off the table Chief, we still have to eat there."

 

The Commander heard her huff but ignored it, approaching Alenko who was crouching, still preoccupied by the broken panel. "Your observation skills seem very on point Commander." Shepard chuckled at the jab, leaning on the near by wall. "Yeah well, I was attack on my way down." Kaidan chuckled before standing up and turning towards the younger man. "She was trying to make sure you were ok." The other biotic just shrugged, earning a eyebrow raise from the Lieutenant. "I'm not very use to people caring, just not my thing." Alenko nodded, leaning on the paneling. "Yeah I get that, don't want anyone to get hurt."

 

 _Don't want myself to get hurt._ Shepard thought before adjusting his weight to the other foot. "Could put it like that." Shepard studied over the man in front of him. He was older, older than Shepard at least, his eyes spoke of age while his body said "I can do it like a teenager." The thought made the Commander chuckle to himself.

 

"What?"

 

Shepard just shook his head, mumbling out a 'nothing' before standing up and stretching.  out (totally not trying to show off to the beautiful being in front of him). "I gotta go write something in the report, make sure you and Williams get ready for the Citadel, you have to motion I'm not crazy." Kaidan laughed before nodded and giving a half assed salute. "Yes sir." The Commander flashed a smile back and began to walk towards the Captain's Quarters, no way he was going to attempt to write the report with his onmi-tool, that would to a quarter and 3 years.

 

When he stepped into the room and the doors shut behind him, he felt a wave of unknown panic flood over him. Shepard just rolled his eyes at himself. 

 

_Panic Attack_

 

He sat down at the desk to write the report, trying to ignore the feeling in his gut. By this point he has had some many attacks, he could just ignore them, against his doctors orders but Shepard hated the weak feeling he was left with after and just went on with typing but he couldn't deny the strange feeling the attack was leaving him. Much like a warning to himself about what was to come.

 

But honestly, how much worse could this actually get?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fucking sorry about the lack of updates, a lot of stuff has happened in the last 6 months and its just been hard. I've also had terrible fucking writers block.
> 
> Sorry it's so short and shitty, I really wanted something out.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear, being an asshole is very fun.
> 
> This is (kind of) inspired by Trevor Moran's beautiful new song: Sinner! 
> 
> Listen to it now....
> 
> It's actually amazing


End file.
